I had Christmas cards made this year. I didn't have enough made, so anyone reading this who didn't get one... sorry.
I took a picture of Bam holding a little reindeer. Then I went online and had a holiday card made using the picture of Bam.
I thought it was the cutest damned picture. Then Sue called. She said that Dad was horrified by the Christmas card. I asked her why. She said apparently you can see Bam's ass and balls - then she started laughing. She said she had to look at the card again to realize it was true.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that I sent out a Christmas card with Bam's ass and balls. Or the fact that my dad is the only one who noticed it.
Anyway... let me tell you about my hellish night after surgery. It was 800 degrees in the hospital. And I couldn't sleep. I couldn't breathe because I had a wad of surgical towels stuffed up my right nostril, so I could only breathe out of one nostril. Unfortunately that nostril was stuffed because it was so hot in the room. And I couldn't open my mouth to breathe, so it was uncomfortable to say the least.
To counteract the heat (I asked to turn down the heat but there was no way to turn it off in the room) I would dip a rag into my ice water and then rub the rag up and down my legs and neck and top of my head to cool off. I also drank a lot of ice water. Having suffered from past allergy problems and stuffy noses I knew drinking lots of water would help out.
This was fine for awhile. I had a catheter in me. So, peeing was no problem. But then at midnight the nurse came in to take it out. She said, "This won't hurt." She then proceeded to rip the tube out of me causing enough pain for me to yell (as much as one can with their jaws wired shut).
I was happy I would be able to pee like a normal human being. They wouldn't let me get out of bed, so they gave me a plastic jug to pee into. By this point I was drinking ice water like crazy so my bladder was getting really full and I had to pee a lot. The only problem is that it hurts to pee after having a catheter removed. Like... a lot. It felt like sharp knives were carving up the inside of my penis.
The curtain to my bed was open and so was the door. So anyone walking down the hallway could see me peeing. But when you're that sick you don't give a shit. It's kind of funny but all pretenses go out the window. For example, after the surgery I felt like I had to pee but I couldn't tell if I still had the cathether in or not (I couldn't see well and I was scared to reach down and feel a tube). So I made my sister Sue look. She handled it like a pro. She pulled up the covers, looked and said, "Yup! Pee away."
Anyway, back to that night...
I eventually cooled down. But that painful feeling whenever I peed stayed with me for two more days. How I dreaded going to the bathroom!
I couldn't sleep all that first night. I watched movies on my MP3 player and dowsed myself with ice water. The doctor came in around 8 and checked me out. Then he looked at my charts and asked why I hadn't asked for pain killers. He said not to worry about getting addicted and walked out.
I didn't know that I had to ask for pain meds every four hours! I thought there was pain medicine in my IV bag. I thought I was being a baby because it hurt so much! After he left I asked the nurse for some meds. What a difference that made. I was fairly pain free - or less uncomfortable I guess.
OH! Another difference was the way the day shift and night shift nurses behaved. The day shift were really nice people and happy to help out. The night shift were inconvenienced anytime I needed something. And the night shift people were dumb. Everytime I would buzz them to empty out the pee jug, they would scream into the speaker (CAN I HELP YOU!!!!???). Umm, my jaws are wired shut. I can't talk.
Then one of the nurses tried to shove a thermometer down my throat. Umm. My jaws are wired shut.
Geeze. The day shift were a bit more conscientious. They even helped give me a sponge bath (I'm sure Sterling and Andy S. would have loved that because the nurse was very pretty).
He's a card, that one.
So.... Nov. 1 my health insurance kicked in. On Nov. 6 I attended my first rugby practice with the Gotham Knights. I was psyched. The guys were really nice and welcoming. And they said I could play with them that weekend in a rugby tournament.
On Saturday the 10th I showed up and helped set up the fields. They told me I'd be playing with their B side as wing. The first game was great. I was a bit rusty but I got to tackle. We mostly played defense because our scrums just weren't winning the ball.
After the first game, our coach said I'd be playing fly half. And then the team captain for the A side called out two names and said to run over to another field as soon as this game was over to play with the A side.
I turned to the guy standing next to me and said, "Does he want that Ted (pointing to one of the forwards) or this Ted (pointing to me)" He laughed and told me it was me (I think the shock on my face was probably evident). That was a big deal for me. I'd only practiced twice and played in one game and they wanted me to help out their A side. It's like being drafted in the first round! It's like being called up to the majors! It's like being asked to the prom by the quarterback (oh wait, wrong analogy).
Once again we were losing our scrums. We would form up offensively but lose the scrum - so we'd have to run up quickly in a defensive position. During one of these times the ball started moving down the opposing team's line. I went in for a tackle and just got crushed. Someone's knee connected with my face.
I'd never experienced pain like that before. I found myself on the ground and saw blood pouring out of my mouth. I couldn't see out of my right eye and my jaw and face were just crushed. It was so excruciating the only thing I could do was kick my foot into the ground repeatedly.
They helped me off the field and I was evaluated by a medic. She told me I broke my nose and had a great black eye. I told her that it was more than just a broken nose. My jaw hurt so bad and I was in horrendous pain. She called the paramedics (they did have an ambulance there but they had taken someone else off to the hospital). But the ambulance got lost and it took them about an hour or more to find us.
They loaded me into an ambulance and one of the guys followed in his car. The coach is a surgeon so he called ahead to ensure i got good treatment at the hospital. As soon as I got to the hospital (about 90 - 120 minutes after the hit) they evaluated me and started me on drugs. They kept giving me more and more morphine. Although it made my body float - the pain in my jaw continued.
After CT scans, evals by various doctors, etc. they established that I broke my eye socket, broke my nose, had a fracture that ran across the entire length of my face above my lip and just below my nose, broke the bones in my cheek, broke my upper and lower jaw and some plate in my face got rotated and turned down and was pushing into my jaw.
My friends Shawn and Keith were both out of town. The only person I could think of to call was my friend Ross at work. So he came on over, joined the other Ted from the team and started making phone calls to my friends and family.
Opthalmology and maxillofacial both wanted to admit me and they couldn't figure out who was going to get first crack at me. Unfortunately there was a shift change (by now it was well into the evening). Instead of being worked on, they released me.
Ted insisted I stay at his place. Fortunately I was so pumped up with drugs I agreed (normally I would just say I could take care of myself and go home). The hospital gave me prescription for pain killers, antibiotics and said to call a doctor on Tuesday (it was Veteran's Day weekend). Ted and Ross hit the drug store at 2 in the morning and I sat in a daze.
My mom showed up the next day to check on me and we headed back to my apartment.
Surprisingly I felt ok. I mean, I was in a lot of pain but it wasn't something that was devastating. I just hurt and that was it.
To make a really long story short. My sister Sue, my dad and stepmother Kathie headed up the following weekend to help me prepare for surgery and to take care of me after.
My sister Michele and her husband also came up for the weekend and brought up a reclining chair (that is beyond comfortable) and a TV for my bedroom.
The doctor operated on me for 5 or 6 hours and inserted a bunch of titanium plates and screws into my face and wired my jaws shut. He did a great job. Aside from surgical scars, you can't really tell anything happened by looking at my face. The only problem I have right now is numbness in my face and my vision still is poor.
I just saw the doc again last week and he told me that I was REALLY lucky. He said I was extremely close to losing my eye or worse. He also said that I really need to consider playing rugby again. We'll discuss it later, but there's a chance I may never be able to play again. I'm trying not to think about that right now.
I have some funny stories that have happened (including my wonderful Thanksgiving dinner just two days after surgery) that I'll share in my next post. But I just wanted to give a quick update.
Here are some fun pix.
