Kitty Porn

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I had Christmas cards made this year. I didn't have enough made, so anyone reading this who didn't get one... sorry.

I took a picture of Bam holding a little reindeer. Then I went online and had a holiday card made using the picture of Bam.

I thought it was the cutest damned picture. Then Sue called. She said that Dad was horrified by the Christmas card. I asked her why. She said apparently you can see Bam's ass and balls - then she started laughing. She said she had to look at the card again to realize it was true.

I don't know what's worse. The fact that I sent out a Christmas card with Bam's ass and balls. Or the fact that my dad is the only one who noticed it.

Anyway... let me tell you about my hellish night after surgery. It was 800 degrees in the hospital. And I couldn't sleep. I couldn't breathe because I had a wad of surgical towels stuffed up my right nostril, so I could only breathe out of one nostril. Unfortunately that nostril was stuffed because it was so hot in the room. And I couldn't open my mouth to breathe, so it was uncomfortable to say the least.

To counteract the heat (I asked to turn down the heat but there was no way to turn it off in the room) I would dip a rag into my ice water and then rub the rag up and down my legs and neck and top of my head to cool off. I also drank a lot of ice water. Having suffered from past allergy problems and stuffy noses I knew drinking lots of water would help out.

This was fine for awhile. I had a catheter in me. So, peeing was no problem. But then at midnight the nurse came in to take it out. She said, "This won't hurt." She then proceeded to rip the tube out of me causing enough pain for me to yell (as much as one can with their jaws wired shut).

I was happy I would be able to pee like a normal human being. They wouldn't let me get out of bed, so they gave me a plastic jug to pee into. By this point I was drinking ice water like crazy so my bladder was getting really full and I had to pee a lot. The only problem is that it hurts to pee after having a catheter removed. Like... a lot. It felt like sharp knives were carving up the inside of my penis.

The curtain to my bed was open and so was the door. So anyone walking down the hallway could see me peeing. But when you're that sick you don't give a shit. It's kind of funny but all pretenses go out the window. For example, after the surgery I felt like I had to pee but I couldn't tell if I still had the cathether in or not (I couldn't see well and I was scared to reach down and feel a tube). So I made my sister Sue look. She handled it like a pro. She pulled up the covers, looked and said, "Yup! Pee away."

Anyway, back to that night...

I eventually cooled down. But that painful feeling whenever I peed stayed with me for two more days. How I dreaded going to the bathroom!

I couldn't sleep all that first night. I watched movies on my MP3 player and dowsed myself with ice water. The doctor came in around 8 and checked me out. Then he looked at my charts and asked why I hadn't asked for pain killers. He said not to worry about getting addicted and walked out.

I didn't know that I had to ask for pain meds every four hours! I thought there was pain medicine in my IV bag. I thought I was being a baby because it hurt so much! After he left I asked the nurse for some meds. What a difference that made. I was fairly pain free - or less uncomfortable I guess.

OH! Another difference was the way the day shift and night shift nurses behaved. The day shift were really nice people and happy to help out. The night shift were inconvenienced anytime I needed something. And the night shift people were dumb. Everytime I would buzz them to empty out the pee jug, they would scream into the speaker (CAN I HELP YOU!!!!???). Umm, my jaws are wired shut. I can't talk. 

Then one of the nurses tried to shove a thermometer down my throat. Umm. My jaws are wired shut.

Geeze. The day shift were a bit more conscientious. They even helped give me a sponge bath (I'm sure Sterling and Andy S. would have loved that because the nurse was very pretty).