Can't Think of Title
Bear with me. What follows isn't a complaint or a bitch fest. Just dumping some emotion so I can move on.
This past weekend I was a little down. Alright, a lotta down.
The Phoenix Storm played their first match of the season and I wasn't there. It sounds really stupid, but I had a hard time with it.
Friday night I had a hard time sleeping, like I normally do before games. On Saturday I kept looking at the clock thinking:
It's 8 there - the guys are getting up.
It's 9:30 they're at the pitch.
They're probably stretching now
etc.
Then I saw Jay posted on the player's site that the Storm was up 21 - 0, Anton had scored three times and there was 10 minutes left. I was so happy and so upset at the same time.
I should have been there. I should have been feeding him those passes. I should have been encouraging everyone to continue to push, no matter the score.
I wasn't.
Then the text messages came in. First Joe, then Phill. Then Jay e-mailed me a picture of the drinkup.
I couldn't take it. So I unsubscribed myself from all of the Storm Yahoo groups.
I simply let go.
And I felt so much better for it.
For 30 seconds.
I was on the verge of tears for the rest of the day. I tried to talk to Kevin and Shawn about it but had to stop because I was getting choked up and couldn't talk.
Later that night I was at a party and Greg from Nashville texted, then Alfonzo called. I couldn't take the call because it was too noisy. And honestly, I didn't want to hear what I was missing.
Don't get me wrong. I'm SOOOO happy we won. And I'm so proud of the backs and of Drew in his first game back with the Storm. But damnit, I worked really hard and I feel like I should have been sharing that success. I told Phill at Seattle that things were on the up and the backs were going to be phenomenal. And they were.
I just wasn't part of it.
Saturday night while walking home from the party I talked to Greg and listened to his recap and the drink up stories.
The next day I heard more from Alfonzo when I talked to him. It sounds like it was our wildest one ever.
I'm irritated because I worked really hard all summer to get into shape. I was lifting hard core and gained 15 pounds of muscle. I was working to improve myself so that I could lead effectively on the field. I was going to be a better fly half. I was going to be better at the game.
And now I've lost all of the gains I made over the past two months. I've had to spend too much time looking for a place and then getting it ready.
Last week my schedule cleared out for me to work out again. But I'm pissed because of what I lost - I'm skinny fat again.
Next week I'll start rugby here (my benefits kick in at the end of this week). But they've been practicing since July. I'm rusty and it's going to take months to get that back. I might not be able to go to Bingham. I don't know.
Things will be ok. And I'm happy here. Beyond happy. This was the right thing to do. And I'm going to change things in the world for the better.
But it was a rough weekend.
This past weekend I was a little down. Alright, a lotta down.
The Phoenix Storm played their first match of the season and I wasn't there. It sounds really stupid, but I had a hard time with it.
Friday night I had a hard time sleeping, like I normally do before games. On Saturday I kept looking at the clock thinking:
It's 8 there - the guys are getting up.
It's 9:30 they're at the pitch.
They're probably stretching now
etc.
Then I saw Jay posted on the player's site that the Storm was up 21 - 0, Anton had scored three times and there was 10 minutes left. I was so happy and so upset at the same time.
I should have been there. I should have been feeding him those passes. I should have been encouraging everyone to continue to push, no matter the score.
I wasn't.
Then the text messages came in. First Joe, then Phill. Then Jay e-mailed me a picture of the drinkup.
I couldn't take it. So I unsubscribed myself from all of the Storm Yahoo groups.
I simply let go.
And I felt so much better for it.
For 30 seconds.
I was on the verge of tears for the rest of the day. I tried to talk to Kevin and Shawn about it but had to stop because I was getting choked up and couldn't talk.
Later that night I was at a party and Greg from Nashville texted, then Alfonzo called. I couldn't take the call because it was too noisy. And honestly, I didn't want to hear what I was missing.
Don't get me wrong. I'm SOOOO happy we won. And I'm so proud of the backs and of Drew in his first game back with the Storm. But damnit, I worked really hard and I feel like I should have been sharing that success. I told Phill at Seattle that things were on the up and the backs were going to be phenomenal. And they were.
I just wasn't part of it.
Saturday night while walking home from the party I talked to Greg and listened to his recap and the drink up stories.
The next day I heard more from Alfonzo when I talked to him. It sounds like it was our wildest one ever.
I'm irritated because I worked really hard all summer to get into shape. I was lifting hard core and gained 15 pounds of muscle. I was working to improve myself so that I could lead effectively on the field. I was going to be a better fly half. I was going to be better at the game.
And now I've lost all of the gains I made over the past two months. I've had to spend too much time looking for a place and then getting it ready.
Last week my schedule cleared out for me to work out again. But I'm pissed because of what I lost - I'm skinny fat again.
Next week I'll start rugby here (my benefits kick in at the end of this week). But they've been practicing since July. I'm rusty and it's going to take months to get that back. I might not be able to go to Bingham. I don't know.
Things will be ok. And I'm happy here. Beyond happy. This was the right thing to do. And I'm going to change things in the world for the better.
But it was a rough weekend.
Comments
hey there buddy,
I didn't take it as hard as you, but i think thats because i'm closer and more avaiable to see the games, but man when i was on the sidelines it was pretty bad. there was a whole bunch of new guys and wondering where you, robbie, john and dave...then it hit me that only dave would be back and no one else...sucked really bad. Especially for the first game and them winning. actually i showed up late, because well i was depending on my dad (yeah i know you don't have to say it) to take me there, and he thought i got a ride already so when 8 came around when he was suppose to pick me up i called his house for some reason and....he answered. So he woke up and drove 2 hours to tucson and drove 2 hours back and made it for the last 15 or 20 minutes of the game.
I was thinking the same thing though....ok there doing this now, and now there doing this and while thinking that i was yelling at my dad to go faster (like 100 MPH and of course in my head) and why he let someone pass him and stupid stuff.
then the drink up....well actually i'll talk to you about the later, when you have time to talk.
christopher
I was mad at myself for being so stupid because I can say, with 110% certainty that I know EXACTLY how you feel. Having to stop playing with the Storm (and rugby altogether) was far more devastating than I let on (I'm a good actor). Hearing someone else's name called to pick up the #5 jersey for the first time was actually physically painful (I'm not kidding). Having to stand in line before the Bingham Cup pre-party to get a laminate that mockingly said, "NON-PLAYER", was a noose around my heart. I joked about it but in reality I was mortified...devastated. I spent the entire weekend watching the team kick ass, score trys, perform zulu's, all the while having to fight the overwhelming urge to just burst out crying all the time. Luckily, Stacey was there to have beers with me at 10:30 in the morning in an attempt to dull the pain, she's a sweetheart. Luckily, I had the task of running up and down the touchlines with a flag and falling on my face to distract me. Luckily, I had someone giving me hickies all weekend. If it wasn't for those things and guys like you empathizing with me, I would have felt like staying in the hotel room.
I actually wasn't surprised to see that you removed yourself from the yahoo group. I immediately knew the reason why. It's the same reason I didn't want to be on the board anymore. It's selfish I know, but with everything that had happened, it just hurt too much.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. It catches you off guard how much it affects you. I've gained 60 lbs since my year from hell (which started with having to stop playing). I started recently getting back into shape and lost about 7 lbs. so far so I'm virtually 'with you' in that respect. Put your energy into work, into the Knights, into the possible trip to the next Bingham Cup. Hang in there buddy. Miss you tons.
Ted, this is one of the hard things in life...letting 'stuff' and special affiliations go. Part of moving on...it's an old story and you are being invited to create some new ones....in the meantime, you'll have a void.... Will be in NY in the coming weeks and hope we can connect...
DF
I've been waiting for that particular shoe to drop, as much as you loved those guys. They'll always have a spot in your heart.